Charlie’s Blog

Yesterday I found out that I got an open spot on a Birthright Israel trip to the Promised Land, leaving tomorrow morning! I originally applied to go back in February, but then I decided to cancel my application. It seemed like more trouble than it was worth to be herded around the desert in a bus of 40 perky Jews. Well, just last month, I met a girl who went on this trip last year, and she told me it was the best trip ever. I was bummed that I blew it, especially since I won’t qualify for the next round of trips in the winter because I’ll have reached the 26 year old cut-off age.  Luckily, a few weeks ago, the tour operator sent me an email saying they had an open spot. I responded that I’d take it, but I didn’t hear back…until Thursday. On Friday it was confirmed, and, again, I leave from LA tomorrow morning.

The free trip, paid for by philanthropists, foundations, and governments, is intended to "strengthen the sense of solidarity between Israeli youth and Jewish communities throughout the world." Also, it’s to promote the idea that a visit to Israel is a critical part of a person’s Jewish life. Please don’t worry about my safety. The program has assured me
that it takes every possible safety precaution…we’ll even have a
soldier escort with us the entire time!

To prepare for the long voyage, I put my Carrie Underwood CD on minidisc. I’m a little nervous that someone in the group will badger me for listening to "Jesus, take the wheel" on a Jew-trip, but I figure that Jesus is from Israel so it’s very appropriate. Anyway, I’m almost over that song. My new favorite by Carr is "Before He Cheats" in which she describes keying her bf’s car and carving her name in the leather seats after she finds out that he’s stepping out on her.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to post from over there to let all of you know how the trip is going. Until then, take care, y’all!

I just got home from the store where I bought cherries. I couldn’t resist because they were only $2 a pound as opposed to $5 a pound at my other store. What I have learned is that, with cherries at least, you get what you pay for. My expensive Ralph’s cherries were heavenly. These cheapo Henry’s cherries taste like dirt…and I’ve got five fucking pound of them (and nothing else to eat in my house, thank you very much). I hate Henry’s! Oh, and there was an old man in front of the store crushing a big loaf of French bread onto the street for the pigeons. He looked so pleased with himself for being a human bird feeder. I gave him one of my dirtiest looks because I’ve recently been SHIT ON by a pigeon, and I don’t need his geriatric ass making them feel welcome here. Some people need a real hobby or at least a DVR. Seriously why would you spend your time outside giving stale bread to birds when there is so much good TV to watch these days!?

This guy at my job was talking to me yesterday about how he works all the time because he doesn’t have a family or a girlfriend. I wanted to explain that you’re not going to meet a potential girlfriend if you’re working all the time, but, since I didn’t know him, I asked what kind of work he did. He said he was a detective for the DA. Then he said that he works with murderers, rapists, and animal abusers on a very regular basis. Then he told me that I’ve probably met at least one murderer as they are all over the place, and they seem just like you and me. Freaky!

Last night, I had a big test in my tax class. Number one went something like this: "Charlie has an income of $175,500. In the last year, he made charitable contributions of $3,400…" I was like, ha, my name is Charlie. Number two: "Lindsay traded her parcel of land worth $102,000…" and I thought, wow, the pretty redheaded girl I sit next to is named Lindsay (I know, why are all pretty redheads named Lindsay?). Number three: "Scott and Courtney are married and have two dependent children…" Scott and Courtney were all in my class workgroup a few weeks ago. After the test, I asked the professor if he got names from the class roster. He was VERY impressed that I noticed. He didn’t exactly show how impressed he was, but he’s also VERY subtle. Well, I also noticed that half of the class is international and don’t have names like Scott or Courtney, and they were not represented at all on the test. The bigot in me wonders if he didn’t want to have to bother with saying something like "Akiko, who IS a U.S. citizen and resident, earned dividends of…"

This morning, I was looking forward to sleeping in after a hard week, but Brian made me get up at the buttcrack of dawn because his cleaning man was there. After I got over the pain of reliving my childhood trauma of being forced out of the house at 8 AM every Friday of my summer break so that Lupe, the maid from Hell, could come in my room and hide all of my stuff, I came downstairs ready to leave. Then Brian went upstairs for what felt like an hour leaving me alone with his cleaning man. What do you say to a cleaning man?? It was so awkward. I kept trying to think of things to say, but nothing good came to mind ("do you bring your own supplies?"). So instead I picked up a magazine and uncomfortably peroused until it was time to leave.

My song ‘o the week is "She Didn’t Have Time" by Terri Clark. Click the link to see the video! It’s very necessary!  The song is about a mother. Her man left her, but she was so busy with her baby that she didn’t have time to cry about it. Then her friends tell her to go out and meet men, but she doesn’t have time because her kid has ballet lessons and t-ball practice. Luckily, things turn up for the woman, but I’m not going to spoil it for you!

If you missed "Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic," it’s out on DVD now! Brian bought it last night. It was almost as funny the second time as the first. My new favorite comic, though, is Nikki Glaser from Last Comic Standing (there’s another video for ya!). She didn’t make the house, but she’s the bomb. She even left me a myspace comment. Let me tell you that getting a myspace comment from even the most minor celebrity is like being touched by an angel.

So, I saw the Bangles at LA Pride last Saturday. They sang all of their hits, of which I knew three, plus a bunch of crappy song. I was a little disappointed twice during the show. First, they cut the whistling from "Walk Like an Egyptian." What the fuck!!! I had my lips all moist and ready to whistle, and they just skipped it! Then, when they sang "Eternal Flame," Susanna proved herself no longer able to hit the notes. Now when Britney has to adjust songs because she can’t sing the high notes live, I give her slack because she’s Britney. Susanna ain’t got no excuse. All in all, though, I’m glad I got to see them.

Speaking of minor celebrities, there was some minor gay celeb at the concert. I saw some fan go up  and take a photo with him, but none of us could recognize who the hell he was. He walked by us at one point. At the same instant, White Michael tickled Asian Michael from behind, and AM squealed. Well, the gay celeb thought he was the reason for the squeal and gave AM a quick hug to thank him for being a fan then he shuffled away. We never found out who that guy was.

The highlight of the weekend was Sunday’s trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain. SFMM has more coasters than any other Six Flags, and we went on nearly every one multiple times. We bought VIP passes so that we could take the back entrance to the rides (how fitting for a group of gays). The best rides were definitely X, Riddler’s Revenge, and Tatsu (for your FYI). Wonder Woman took a picture with us!

Fuck y’all haters!!

I’m going to LA in a little while to get my LA Pride on!! The Bangles are performing tonight so I’m practicing my Egyptian Walk. Actually, my people probably taught the Egyptians how to walk like that when they were forcing us to build their damn pyramids. Thank goodness Moses finally got us out!

What’s really exciting about this weekend is that I’m going to 6 Flags Magic Mountain on Sunday!! My friend JP is dancing at a festival there, and Brian and I are planning on going on every single (good) ride there. Apparently it has more rollercoasters than Cedar Point, and there’s a new one that simulates flying. I went there once as a kid, and my dad and I waited an hour and a half for each ride. Apparently the new ride has waits of up to FOUR hours! Ah hell no!! We might splurge on VIP passes and tell those fools in line to kiss it!

It was a beautiful weekend in San Diego, and I made the most of it even without going to the beach.

What do you get when you mix soap, water, a DJ, and a club full of shirtless gay men?? A FOAM Party!! Saturday night, Rich’s hosted an honest-to-God foam party, and I was there! What happens is a big machine installed above the dance floor dumps sudsy foam continously on the crowd. The epicenter of the foam was a violent place where you get pushed, trampled on, or stuck while foam covers your mouth and eyes. I only made it in there twice because I didn’t like not being able to see or breathe, but I had lots of fun playing with the foam on the outskirts of the dumping zone. Now the foam is warm and moist, but when you’re out of it you feel cold and damp, and the club’s A/C was not helping. The worst part of the event was the floor. It was covered with some sort of thick fabric which when wet created suction with my flip-flops so it felt like I was walking on tar. Anyway, that was a small price to pay to the party gods.

Shout out to aLiSoN who visited along with two friends from Illinois. I met them at Sea World on Sunday for some sun, animal exhibits, and awesome shows! The dolphin show, in particular, was spectacular. There was a big surprise that shocked me and the entire audience. It was SO big, that I don’t want to give any of it away. We were also surprised to find that there are so many shows and exhibits at Sea World, that you really have to hustle to do everything. I was sad to miss the 4D movie, but at least I found out what the fourth dimension was (touch).

So yesterday someone stole my bike. Actually, it was Brian’s bike. He was lending it to me since my bike is broken. Today, I went to see if my bike could be fixed, but they said I’d be better off buying a new one. At least they didn’t get my bell! Target sells a motorized bike online for $300, but I don’t know how you lock that up. That would certainly help me ride up all of these damn hills, though.

Check out this article in the SF Chronicle! There’s a quote from my mom, Anita. She has been part of the fight against Wal-Mart coming to my hometown of Hercules, CA for a long time now, and it looks like they’ve won! Shout out to my girl, Emily, who also fought for Hercules!

So Taylor won idol. Boooo!! I was rooting for Kat, but only half-heartedly since she was really stinking up the room these past few weeks with her lackluster performances. She started out so strong…what happened, girl?? Anyway, did anyone see Meatloaf sing with her last night? He sucked so bad. I saw a lesbian sing that song at Bourbon Street karaoke a few weeks ago, and she blew those two out of the water. I guess Meatloaf can’t sing anymore. It’s too bad because one of my favorite songs of all time is "I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won’t Do That," and now I’ll never get to see him sing it live…well. At least I’ll always be able to revisit him as the cranky bus driver in "SpiceWorld" in which he delivers a heartfelt monologue about fixing a toilet.

Speaking of the Spice Girls, Geri (Ginger) had a baby! Bluebell Madonna is her name. She hasn’t said much about her babydaddy, but there is some speculation that he’s a nobody screenwriter. But, and this is big news, Baby and Sporty Spice both came to her shower. Do I smell a reunion tour!?!?

So, it’s May, but summer school has already started. Luckily it’s over in a little more than a month then the living will be easy.

I just discovered that my girl, Raven, used to be roommates with my other girl, Lindsay Lohan. Apparently Raven bought a place on Sunset, and Lindsay paid rent, but only stayed there for three nights over a 14-month period. I know what you’re thinking, but Lindsay was not hoeing it up, she was just filming a bunch of movies on location. Once, Lindsay came home unexpectedly in the middle of the night, and Raven almost hit her with a vase because she thought she was an intruder. Moral of the story: never enter someones home without announcing yourself.

Mondays! J/K!!

So, San Diego gays need no longer trek up to Los Angeles to find a posh venue to sport our finest striped shirts and distressed jeans. Lei has arrived. It’s an ultra-trendy lounge in University Heights that features a wall of water, bottle service, private cabanas, bonfires, and beautiful people (just ask them) with intricate hairstyles. I must admit, that when I first moved here from New York, I was somewhat disappointed with how casual all of the popular bars are. It was almost as if anyone who didn’t look like they were on their way home from the gym seemed out of place. But now, after several months, I’ve come to embrace the informality of the SD scene, and Lei is a pretentious shock to my system. If any of y’all remember when Felt opened in Chicago, it’s got a very similar snooty vibe to it. And there’s no reason. The scene here is so small that everyone knows everyone’s dirty laundry. It’s like, stop walking around like you’re Rupert fucking Everett, you were booty-calling my roommate for two months, and  I know all about your issues. Or, stop trying to act like the gay male version of Carrie Bradshaw, everyone here knows your coke habit is out of control.

Shout out to Leia who just made a big move to the BK and started an awesome new blog. I watched "Selena" the other day to commemorate Cinco de Mayo and thought of the dishwasher who worked with Leia and I back at the Allen Center at NU. She looked just like Selena’s Killer, Yolanda. So much so that we didn’t ever want to be left alone in the kitchen with her. Unfortunately she never gave us a ring with an egg like Yolanda gave Selena. Anyway, once Leia put some dirty dishes out of her reach (Selena’s killer was not so tall), and SK started screaming at the top of her lungs "Lady! Lady!! Lady! Lady! Lady!!" It was like a fire alarm. We never did find out her real name.

The best thing about SDSU is the chance it gives students to see popular movies for free before they are released. Tomorrow, I am going to catch the new Lindsay romantic comedy, "Just My Luck," and I can’t wait! Don’t worry, I’ll let all of y’all know how it is.

Got my butch baseball fan on yesterday and went to the Cubs v. Padres game with the local alumni club. I learned that general admissions tickets at Petco Park only allow you to sit on the grass. You still get a pretty good view of the field, but it’s not as exciting as sitting in the stands. Also, little children kept stomping on my hands, and I almost stepped on one of their little faces (on accident). It was a beautiful day, though, and the grass was a nice place to sit and talk and watch interesting-looking people walk by. Also, the kids play wiffleball nearby, and that game was more exciting than the Padres.

My favorite thing about Cinco de Mayo is talking to Mexicans about it. They love to explain how it’s not an important holiday at all, and that Mexican Independence Day is actually in September while I love to act very surprised, like I’ve never heard it before. Apparently, on the 5th of May many years ago, the Mexican army defeated the French army, under the rule of Napoleon. Who knew Mexico and France ever had beef?? Not me, but I never paid attention in any of my French history classes.

I actually have an unpleasant association with the day. My sophomore year of high school, I had been sick and missed my algebra test so I was going to take the make-up during lunch on…May 5. Well, I got out of class that day and was drawn to the sound of Selena blaring from the mall (PVHS’s outdoor lunch area…it wasn’t a real mall) and aroma of nachos being sold by Latinos Unidos. The next thing I knew I was chowing down and bopping my head to "Bidi Bidi Bum Bum" until the bell rang, and I realized that I’d missed my test. Mr. Holmes wasn’t very sympathetic to my situation and gave me a ZERO. I had to work really hard after that, but eventually earned an A- by a hair.

My new favorite snack is called "Just Corn." It’s freeze-dried corn with no salt or anything, and it is off the hook. I like all of the "Just…" freeze-dried products I’ve tried (although the fruit varieties should be eaten in moderation if you want to spend time outside of a bathroom), but I suspect that one day it will be revealed that they lied, and there are all kinds of horrible preservatives and flavorings. Remember when that happened with frozen yogurt. My sister and I used to seriously munch on the peanut butter fat-free at Yummygort until the evening news shocked the world with news that it had more fat grams than a walrus. And of course Jerry and Elaine gained weight eating it, too. Anyhoo, look for "Just…" products in clear plastic tubs hidden in your gourmet grocer’s produce section.

That’s all for now! Adios!

This blog entry is coming to you from the disabled-priority mac at the SDSU lab! I have so much space! The added excitement is that at any moment I may have to end this post unedited should a disabled person come limping over. I can say that because I broke my toe once and had to limp around on crutches for over a month! On a side note, since "Stick It" is coming out this weekend, and everyone has gymnastics fever, I’m convinced that my Olympic dream was shattered the moment my big toe made contact with and broke my uncle’s chair. I was never the same.

Someone broke into the restaurant I work at the other night. She (I assume it’s a woman) didn’t get much money, but she did steal a bottle of Asian vodka…or so she thought. There was a display bottle of the vodka on the bar, but, a few months ago we ran out of vodka so we used up the display bottle. Then we refilled the bottle with water and put it back on the bar. Can you just imagine the bandit meeting up with her posse and pouring a round of screwdrivers made with 3-month-old tap water. Hah! Or what if she wanted to be all fancy and put the bottle in the freezer to chill. That shit was filled to the top and would freeze and explode all over the other, probably stolen, contents of her freezer. In either case, she will learn her lesson. Oh, and even though there are hundreds of bums in downtown SD, we know that the culprit was not a bum because none of the cakes, pastries, quiches, or other goodies were touched.

It’s everyone’s God-given right, to follow their dreamz. American Dreamz, dreamz with a z. (Ooh, someone just gave me a coupon for a free burrito!) That movie was pretty damn good. For my taste it was a little too much political satire and a not enough of Mandy Moore singing and lip-acting. I swear to God, one reviewer makes a comment about her lip-acting (in "Chasing Liberty"), and she gives it up completely. A little lip goes a long way, Mandy! Bring it back! Check out this contest and pick your favorite amateur chanteuse of the AD theme song.

I think I’ll pass on the burrito. The coupon says "must participate in student promotion, it only takes 2 minutes." What the hell is that? A survey? I guess I’ll find out if I go over there, but I may never k n o w.

"No Daddy" by Teairra Mari is the most bomb-ass song ever. Check it out ASAP because you don’t want to spend another minute of your life without it. Even though I had a daddy around when I was growing up, and the hard times I’ve dealt with in my life might not measure up to what she sings about, I relate to the song on many levels and believe others will, too. You can watch the video at youtube, but I unfortunately can’t link directly to the video because SDSU blocks youtube. What’s up with that!?!

In other news, Ace is finally off of "Idol." Let me just comment that it’s no crime to not be cute. Not everyone can be cute. BUT it is downright disrespectful to the humanity to be cute and then alter your appearance in such a way that renders you butt-ugly. I refer to Ace’s hair. Looking closely, he had a cute face and a pretty smile, but his straight-up (as Paula would say) nasty ‘do just flushed all of his cuteness down the toilet. I am so happy to be relieved of the chore of looking at that mess. Also, I doubt anyone, except maybe Twiggy, will be missing pouty, whiny Brooke from Top Model. Hooray, Joanie has perfect teeth now!

Shout out to Alex who sent me a picture from the chorus retreat last October. It’s my new primary photo!

I saw three movies last weekend. Here they are in the order of best to worst: "She’s The Man," "Guys and Balls," and "Dirty Love." STM was hella funny. GAB, a German gay movie also about soccer, was pretty funny. DL, aka the worst movie of 2005, starred Jenny McCarthy and was full of not-so-funny jokes about STD’s and other nastiness. It wasn’t all that bad, actually.

Have a great EarthDay this weekend! Remember the three R’s!