Charlie’s Blog

I just got home from the store where I bought cherries. I couldn’t resist because they were only $2 a pound as opposed to $5 a pound at my other store. What I have learned is that, with cherries at least, you get what you pay for. My expensive Ralph’s cherries were heavenly. These cheapo Henry’s cherries taste like dirt…and I’ve got five fucking pound of them (and nothing else to eat in my house, thank you very much). I hate Henry’s! Oh, and there was an old man in front of the store crushing a big loaf of French bread onto the street for the pigeons. He looked so pleased with himself for being a human bird feeder. I gave him one of my dirtiest looks because I’ve recently been SHIT ON by a pigeon, and I don’t need his geriatric ass making them feel welcome here. Some people need a real hobby or at least a DVR. Seriously why would you spend your time outside giving stale bread to birds when there is so much good TV to watch these days!?

This guy at my job was talking to me yesterday about how he works all the time because he doesn’t have a family or a girlfriend. I wanted to explain that you’re not going to meet a potential girlfriend if you’re working all the time, but, since I didn’t know him, I asked what kind of work he did. He said he was a detective for the DA. Then he said that he works with murderers, rapists, and animal abusers on a very regular basis. Then he told me that I’ve probably met at least one murderer as they are all over the place, and they seem just like you and me. Freaky!

Last night, I had a big test in my tax class. Number one went something like this: "Charlie has an income of $175,500. In the last year, he made charitable contributions of $3,400…" I was like, ha, my name is Charlie. Number two: "Lindsay traded her parcel of land worth $102,000…" and I thought, wow, the pretty redheaded girl I sit next to is named Lindsay (I know, why are all pretty redheads named Lindsay?). Number three: "Scott and Courtney are married and have two dependent children…" Scott and Courtney were all in my class workgroup a few weeks ago. After the test, I asked the professor if he got names from the class roster. He was VERY impressed that I noticed. He didn’t exactly show how impressed he was, but he’s also VERY subtle. Well, I also noticed that half of the class is international and don’t have names like Scott or Courtney, and they were not represented at all on the test. The bigot in me wonders if he didn’t want to have to bother with saying something like "Akiko, who IS a U.S. citizen and resident, earned dividends of…"

This morning, I was looking forward to sleeping in after a hard week, but Brian made me get up at the buttcrack of dawn because his cleaning man was there. After I got over the pain of reliving my childhood trauma of being forced out of the house at 8 AM every Friday of my summer break so that Lupe, the maid from Hell, could come in my room and hide all of my stuff, I came downstairs ready to leave. Then Brian went upstairs for what felt like an hour leaving me alone with his cleaning man. What do you say to a cleaning man?? It was so awkward. I kept trying to think of things to say, but nothing good came to mind ("do you bring your own supplies?"). So instead I picked up a magazine and uncomfortably peroused until it was time to leave.

My song ‘o the week is "She Didn’t Have Time" by Terri Clark. Click the link to see the video! It’s very necessary!  The song is about a mother. Her man left her, but she was so busy with her baby that she didn’t have time to cry about it. Then her friends tell her to go out and meet men, but she doesn’t have time because her kid has ballet lessons and t-ball practice. Luckily, things turn up for the woman, but I’m not going to spoil it for you!

If you missed "Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic," it’s out on DVD now! Brian bought it last night. It was almost as funny the second time as the first. My new favorite comic, though, is Nikki Glaser from Last Comic Standing (there’s another video for ya!). She didn’t make the house, but she’s the bomb. She even left me a myspace comment. Let me tell you that getting a myspace comment from even the most minor celebrity is like being touched by an angel.

So, I saw the Bangles at LA Pride last Saturday. They sang all of their hits, of which I knew three, plus a bunch of crappy song. I was a little disappointed twice during the show. First, they cut the whistling from "Walk Like an Egyptian." What the fuck!!! I had my lips all moist and ready to whistle, and they just skipped it! Then, when they sang "Eternal Flame," Susanna proved herself no longer able to hit the notes. Now when Britney has to adjust songs because she can’t sing the high notes live, I give her slack because she’s Britney. Susanna ain’t got no excuse. All in all, though, I’m glad I got to see them.

Speaking of minor celebrities, there was some minor gay celeb at the concert. I saw some fan go up  and take a photo with him, but none of us could recognize who the hell he was. He walked by us at one point. At the same instant, White Michael tickled Asian Michael from behind, and AM squealed. Well, the gay celeb thought he was the reason for the squeal and gave AM a quick hug to thank him for being a fan then he shuffled away. We never found out who that guy was.

The highlight of the weekend was Sunday’s trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain. SFMM has more coasters than any other Six Flags, and we went on nearly every one multiple times. We bought VIP passes so that we could take the back entrance to the rides (how fitting for a group of gays). The best rides were definitely X, Riddler’s Revenge, and Tatsu (for your FYI). Wonder Woman took a picture with us!

Fuck y’all haters!!

I’m going to LA in a little while to get my LA Pride on!! The Bangles are performing tonight so I’m practicing my Egyptian Walk. Actually, my people probably taught the Egyptians how to walk like that when they were forcing us to build their damn pyramids. Thank goodness Moses finally got us out!

What’s really exciting about this weekend is that I’m going to 6 Flags Magic Mountain on Sunday!! My friend JP is dancing at a festival there, and Brian and I are planning on going on every single (good) ride there. Apparently it has more rollercoasters than Cedar Point, and there’s a new one that simulates flying. I went there once as a kid, and my dad and I waited an hour and a half for each ride. Apparently the new ride has waits of up to FOUR hours! Ah hell no!! We might splurge on VIP passes and tell those fools in line to kiss it!