Charlie’s Blog

It was a beautiful weekend in San Diego, and I made the most of it even without going to the beach.

What do you get when you mix soap, water, a DJ, and a club full of shirtless gay men?? A FOAM Party!! Saturday night, Rich’s hosted an honest-to-God foam party, and I was there! What happens is a big machine installed above the dance floor dumps sudsy foam continously on the crowd. The epicenter of the foam was a violent place where you get pushed, trampled on, or stuck while foam covers your mouth and eyes. I only made it in there twice because I didn’t like not being able to see or breathe, but I had lots of fun playing with the foam on the outskirts of the dumping zone. Now the foam is warm and moist, but when you’re out of it you feel cold and damp, and the club’s A/C was not helping. The worst part of the event was the floor. It was covered with some sort of thick fabric which when wet created suction with my flip-flops so it felt like I was walking on tar. Anyway, that was a small price to pay to the party gods.

Shout out to aLiSoN who visited along with two friends from Illinois. I met them at Sea World on Sunday for some sun, animal exhibits, and awesome shows! The dolphin show, in particular, was spectacular. There was a big surprise that shocked me and the entire audience. It was SO big, that I don’t want to give any of it away. We were also surprised to find that there are so many shows and exhibits at Sea World, that you really have to hustle to do everything. I was sad to miss the 4D movie, but at least I found out what the fourth dimension was (touch).

So yesterday someone stole my bike. Actually, it was Brian’s bike. He was lending it to me since my bike is broken. Today, I went to see if my bike could be fixed, but they said I’d be better off buying a new one. At least they didn’t get my bell! Target sells a motorized bike online for $300, but I don’t know how you lock that up. That would certainly help me ride up all of these damn hills, though.

Check out this article in the SF Chronicle! There’s a quote from my mom, Anita. She has been part of the fight against Wal-Mart coming to my hometown of Hercules, CA for a long time now, and it looks like they’ve won! Shout out to my girl, Emily, who also fought for Hercules!

So Taylor won idol. Boooo!! I was rooting for Kat, but only half-heartedly since she was really stinking up the room these past few weeks with her lackluster performances. She started out so strong…what happened, girl?? Anyway, did anyone see Meatloaf sing with her last night? He sucked so bad. I saw a lesbian sing that song at Bourbon Street karaoke a few weeks ago, and she blew those two out of the water. I guess Meatloaf can’t sing anymore. It’s too bad because one of my favorite songs of all time is "I Would Do Anything For Love, But I Won’t Do That," and now I’ll never get to see him sing it live…well. At least I’ll always be able to revisit him as the cranky bus driver in "SpiceWorld" in which he delivers a heartfelt monologue about fixing a toilet.

Speaking of the Spice Girls, Geri (Ginger) had a baby! Bluebell Madonna is her name. She hasn’t said much about her babydaddy, but there is some speculation that he’s a nobody screenwriter. But, and this is big news, Baby and Sporty Spice both came to her shower. Do I smell a reunion tour!?!?

So, it’s May, but summer school has already started. Luckily it’s over in a little more than a month then the living will be easy.

I just discovered that my girl, Raven, used to be roommates with my other girl, Lindsay Lohan. Apparently Raven bought a place on Sunset, and Lindsay paid rent, but only stayed there for three nights over a 14-month period. I know what you’re thinking, but Lindsay was not hoeing it up, she was just filming a bunch of movies on location. Once, Lindsay came home unexpectedly in the middle of the night, and Raven almost hit her with a vase because she thought she was an intruder. Moral of the story: never enter someones home without announcing yourself.

Mondays! J/K!!

So, San Diego gays need no longer trek up to Los Angeles to find a posh venue to sport our finest striped shirts and distressed jeans. Lei has arrived. It’s an ultra-trendy lounge in University Heights that features a wall of water, bottle service, private cabanas, bonfires, and beautiful people (just ask them) with intricate hairstyles. I must admit, that when I first moved here from New York, I was somewhat disappointed with how casual all of the popular bars are. It was almost as if anyone who didn’t look like they were on their way home from the gym seemed out of place. But now, after several months, I’ve come to embrace the informality of the SD scene, and Lei is a pretentious shock to my system. If any of y’all remember when Felt opened in Chicago, it’s got a very similar snooty vibe to it. And there’s no reason. The scene here is so small that everyone knows everyone’s dirty laundry. It’s like, stop walking around like you’re Rupert fucking Everett, you were booty-calling my roommate for two months, and  I know all about your issues. Or, stop trying to act like the gay male version of Carrie Bradshaw, everyone here knows your coke habit is out of control.

Shout out to Leia who just made a big move to the BK and started an awesome new blog. I watched "Selena" the other day to commemorate Cinco de Mayo and thought of the dishwasher who worked with Leia and I back at the Allen Center at NU. She looked just like Selena’s Killer, Yolanda. So much so that we didn’t ever want to be left alone in the kitchen with her. Unfortunately she never gave us a ring with an egg like Yolanda gave Selena. Anyway, once Leia put some dirty dishes out of her reach (Selena’s killer was not so tall), and SK started screaming at the top of her lungs "Lady! Lady!! Lady! Lady! Lady!!" It was like a fire alarm. We never did find out her real name.

The best thing about SDSU is the chance it gives students to see popular movies for free before they are released. Tomorrow, I am going to catch the new Lindsay romantic comedy, "Just My Luck," and I can’t wait! Don’t worry, I’ll let all of y’all know how it is.

Got my butch baseball fan on yesterday and went to the Cubs v. Padres game with the local alumni club. I learned that general admissions tickets at Petco Park only allow you to sit on the grass. You still get a pretty good view of the field, but it’s not as exciting as sitting in the stands. Also, little children kept stomping on my hands, and I almost stepped on one of their little faces (on accident). It was a beautiful day, though, and the grass was a nice place to sit and talk and watch interesting-looking people walk by. Also, the kids play wiffleball nearby, and that game was more exciting than the Padres.

My favorite thing about Cinco de Mayo is talking to Mexicans about it. They love to explain how it’s not an important holiday at all, and that Mexican Independence Day is actually in September while I love to act very surprised, like I’ve never heard it before. Apparently, on the 5th of May many years ago, the Mexican army defeated the French army, under the rule of Napoleon. Who knew Mexico and France ever had beef?? Not me, but I never paid attention in any of my French history classes.

I actually have an unpleasant association with the day. My sophomore year of high school, I had been sick and missed my algebra test so I was going to take the make-up during lunch on…May 5. Well, I got out of class that day and was drawn to the sound of Selena blaring from the mall (PVHS’s outdoor lunch area…it wasn’t a real mall) and aroma of nachos being sold by Latinos Unidos. The next thing I knew I was chowing down and bopping my head to "Bidi Bidi Bum Bum" until the bell rang, and I realized that I’d missed my test. Mr. Holmes wasn’t very sympathetic to my situation and gave me a ZERO. I had to work really hard after that, but eventually earned an A- by a hair.

My new favorite snack is called "Just Corn." It’s freeze-dried corn with no salt or anything, and it is off the hook. I like all of the "Just…" freeze-dried products I’ve tried (although the fruit varieties should be eaten in moderation if you want to spend time outside of a bathroom), but I suspect that one day it will be revealed that they lied, and there are all kinds of horrible preservatives and flavorings. Remember when that happened with frozen yogurt. My sister and I used to seriously munch on the peanut butter fat-free at Yummygort until the evening news shocked the world with news that it had more fat grams than a walrus. And of course Jerry and Elaine gained weight eating it, too. Anyhoo, look for "Just…" products in clear plastic tubs hidden in your gourmet grocer’s produce section.

That’s all for now! Adios!